if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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