I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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