Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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