I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
