She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
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Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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