Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
