Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Randomize
