umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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