I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
sarcasm needs its own font
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
