I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
