She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
