One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
