I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i think i have two assholes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
