The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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