How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
