at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
