You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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