The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
