The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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