So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
