tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
