You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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