i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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