And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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