Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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