you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
