I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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