If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
