i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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