you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
where am i from again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
