I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's just like the Real World with babies
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
