boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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