Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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