Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
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Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
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There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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