You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
