i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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