I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
