At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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