Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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