No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
