Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The beer is more important than you right now.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
