I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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