Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
