She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
