I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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