if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
