"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
