I can tuck mytits in my pants
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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