You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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