i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
