well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I would fuck him just for his dog
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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