Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
