Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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