I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize