It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
