just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
