so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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