Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
