I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
