so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
