i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
